


Zac Efron Meets the Looney Tunes

by jayofmo



Category: Looney Tunes | Merrie Melodies
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 16:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11016972
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jayofmo/pseuds/jayofmo
Summary: Commissioned short story: after being a bad customer, Zac Efron is given what for by the Looney Tunes gang.Disclaimer: Despite Mr. Efron being a real person, in no way is this supposed to suggest how he would actually act in this situation. Consider this work a readable cartoon in which he plays the role of spoiled celebrity.





	Zac Efron Meets the Looney Tunes

Zac Efron stepped into the Starbucks.

     “God,” he whispered to himself in exasperation. He’d signed no less than six autographs during the walk from the car to the inside of the store. All he wanted was a nice iced mocha. Was that too much to ask?

     “Hey, welcome to Starbucks,” said the barista behind the counter with a smile. He was thin, wore glasses and had dirty blonde hair. “What can I get for you?”

     “Uh, venti iced mocha, no whip,” Zac replied. “Name is Zac.”

     “Sure thing,” the barista said and took the payment as his fellow employee worked on the orders.

     Zac sat down at a table and waited.

     “Better not take too long, I got a screening to get to in an hour,” he sighed. Then he heard his name called. He went to get his drink.

     “Here you go.”

     Zack picked up his drink and saw a spiral pile of whipped topping on the top.

     “Hey, I said no whip!” he said.

     “Oh, I’m sorry,” the barista said. “We were preparing a lot of other drinks with it and…”

     Zac sneered and hurled the contents of his cup at the barista and the other employee.

     “GET ME ANOTHER ONE!” he demanded.

     The other employee quickly got the replacement ready, being sure to omit the whipped topping and handed it to Zac.

     “Sorry,” they repeated.

     He picked up his drink and noticed that his name was written as “Zak.”

     “Why am I not surprised?” he grunted. He went to sit down with his drink.

     “Hey… what’s up, doc?” asked a voice.

     Zac looked up and saw Bugs Bunny. He blinked. Yeah. It was Bugs Bunny, about eight feet tall with his ears. He looked exactly like the classic Chuck Jones cartoons, just realized in three dimensions, with real fur and other details making him look eerily lifelike.

     “Is this some sort of promotion Starbucks is doing?” Zac asked. “Some holographic thing?” He glanced around to see if there was any sort of projection equipment visible.

     “You were being a jerk there,” Bugs went on. “Maybe you could apologize and leave a nice tip?”

     “They messed up my order,” Zac replied defensively, nearly forgetting he was talking to a cartoon character. “They’ll just have to change their aprons and mop up, it’ll be fine.”

     “All right, bub,” Bugs sighed. “You asked for this.”

     Bugs grabbed Zac’s wrist and jumped into the air. Zac flew up with him and was surprised to see Bugs disappear into the straw in his iced mocha. His feet tapered to a tiny point and slid down the straw, seemingly disappearing, and Zac realized he was being pulled right behind Bugs, and in a flash, he felt himself being squeezed into the tiny opening of the straw, which was very disorienting and uncomfortable, but it was over before he knew it and he found himself falling to a brightly colored grassy ground.

     SMACK! Zac hit the ground hard and made a crater, which was shaped exactly like the pose he had hit the ground in. He got up, feeling dizzy. Some stars and birds flew around his head as he felt a little dizzy before he finally shook his head, coming to his senses, making them vanish.

     “What the...” he wondered aloud.

     Everything in this world seemed to be outlined with thin black lines and lacked texture aside from a few random designs here and there. It was all in solid colors, exactly like a cartoon. He looked down at himself and realized he now matched his surroundings.

     “Why do I only have three fingers now?” he noted.

     “You’re in Looney Tunes Land, doc,” Bugs’ voice said, and Zac turned to see him standing by the crater. He held up a mirror and Zac saw that his head was oversized, making him look like a simple caricature of himself with large eyes, which were white circles with black dots in the middle.

     “I’m a _cartoon?_ ”

     “We’re all cartoons down here, doc,” Bugs retorted. Zac could see that Bugs now looked exactly like how Chuck Jones had drawn him without the texture he’d seen in Starbucks.

     “I need to get out of here!” Zac demanded, remembering the screening.

     “Look, pal, you were awfully rude to a good friend of ours, and looks like you need to learn some manners.”

     “Hey, I got stuff to do!” Zac fumed. “I’m a big movie star, very important! Do you know how hard I had to work to not just be the _High School Musical_ guy?”

     “Sorry, bub, we’re just helping our friend out.”

     Zac lunged at Bugs, who calmly reached his arms out and grabbed Zac by a shoulder.

     “I been wanting to try this, doc,” he chuckled.

     With that Bugs put one hand on top of Zac’s head and the other one his butt and began squeezing. Zac’s cartoon body gave way easily to Bug’s touch and he found himself easily reshaping as if he was nothing more than a lump of clay.

     “See, buddy, just a bit of effort, you can smooth out nicely!” Bugs chuckled as he rolled Zac in his hands, now the size and shape of a baseball.

     Zac wiggled a little, but couldn’t do much. His limbs seemed to vanish into the curvature of the ball under his face and what little of his body could be seen. He didn’t have much _to_ move.

     “Hey, don’t be too excited now, I’m about to make the pitch.”

     _Pitch?!?_

     Bugs held Zac up. They were somehow in a baseball stadium. Bugs was on the pitcher’s mound, and at home plate was Daffy Duck, holding a baseball bat.

     _Don’t let him hit me!_

     “Batter up, doc!”

     Bugs curled his arm back and _woosh!_ Zac went flying towards Daffy at top speed.

     _Please let him miss, please let him miss,_ Zac begged in his mind.

     Daffy did not miss. In fact, Daffy hit Zac so hard, he flew straight out of the ball park over fields, rivers, maybe an ocean, until, SMACK! He hit a snowy mountainside, flattening like a little pancake. He peeled off and fell on the ground before POP! He resumed his cartoon form.

     As Zac panted to regain his breath, he noticed a shadow fall over him. He looked up and saw a huge, furry creature standing over him. It had a funny nose and a silly smile. Its eyes were obscured by a lump of fur.

     Zac scrambled to his feet to run away, but it was too late, the creature had caught him and held him up by his neck.

     “Just what I always wanted,” it said in a goofy voice. “My own little movie star friend. I will name him George, and I will hug him and pet him and squeeze him.” As it spoke, it hugged and squeezed Zac far too tightly, Zac being squished uncomfortably by it.

     “Hey, let me go!” Zac begged.

     “We’re gonna have so much fun!” the Abominable Snowman continued, squeezing Zac again.

     “My name’s Zac…”

     At this moment, someone appeared on the scene, a snow climber wearing a thick coat, a furry hood, gloves, boots, googles, and a scarf wrapped around the rest of their face. Not a spot of skin was showing.

     “AUGH! SCARY!” shrieked the Abominable Snowman upon seeing this arrival and panicking, and then he threw Zac at them.

     “YAAARRRGGGGHHH!!!” yelled Zac as he flew at the climber, who he struck and both of them fell down an incline that led to where Abominable Snowman was now chiding himself for losing his new friend. The two began rolling, snow packing around them, forming them into a snowball that grew bigger and bigger before they reached the ground, where they suddenly rolled up a little incline and went flying.

     How far they flew or what direction, who can say? They couldn’t see anything for all the snow wrapped around them. But moments later, SMACK! The snowball hit the side of a barn, breaking apart and freeing Zac and the stranger.

     Zac felt dizzy, seeing little stars fly around his head.

     “Son, I say son, what are you doing slacking around?” asked a voice with a strong southern accent.

     Zac looked up and saw a giant rooster. If he’d been a little less dizzy, he might have recognized him as Foghorn Leghorn.

     “Huh?”

     “Get on up and get to work, buddy, sun’s coming up!”

     Zac hopped up on his feet and began strutting around with his arms folded, flapping them like wings.

     “COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!” he cried.

     “There we go!” laughed Foghorn, slapping his knee. “Now, try for an even bigger one, make sure the farmer hears it loud and clear.”

     Zac took a deep breath.

     “ _ **COCK-A-DOODLE-DOO!”**_ he called out, even louder. “Wait, what am I doing? I’m not a rooster!”

     “No, but you sure could act the part!” Foghorn chuckled. “And you looked real funny!”

     “Well, thanks…” Zac muttered. “I mean, I am an actor…”

     “NOW JUST WHAT IN TARNATION ARE YOU DOING IN MY FARMYARD?” demanded a surly Texan voice.

     Zac turned to see a short, balding man holding a rifle. He had an outrageously large red mustache that touched the ground.

     “Yosemite Sam?” Zac asked. He knew _some_ Looney Tunes characters.

     “What are ya doin’ here, ya varmint?” Sam continued.

     “I just wound up getting stranded here, sorry!”

     “Likely story, ya chicken thief!” Sam grunted, pointing the rifle at Zac. “I’m gonna give you to the count of three to clear out of here!”

     “Please, I don’t know which way to go!”

     “One!”

     Zac backed up, frantically looking for where to go.

     “Two!”

     He felt the snowclimber—who’d been watching the whole thing—grab his hand.

     “Three!”

     Zac winced.

     POW!

     Zac jumped and then realized he hadn’t been hit. He looked around. The impact of the blast had made Sam fall over and he was scrambling to get back up. Then he saw the snowclimber. They were standing where they had been, but their head was completely gone!

     “You killed him!” Zac gasped.

     But to his relief, the snowclimber’s hooded head popped out of his shoulders. He’d ducked down just in time, as only a cartoon character could.

     “Oh, thank goodness,” sighed Zac.

     “When I get back up…” grumbled Sam, but before they could make out anything else, a whirring brown shape arrived on the scene, lifting Zac and the snowclimber with it.

     _Must be the Tasmanian Devil,_ Zac thought and tried to climb at something. He felt his arms suddenly feel pulled from their sockets.

     In a few seconds, Zac was dropped to the ground and he heard a loud SMACK! He looked down at himself and saw his left arm stretched out to impossible lengths and coiled tightly all around him. He pulled out his right arm and gave his left a tug. He spun around as his arm snapped back into its normal length and shape. In addition, he was now on his feet.

     Zac could see he was standing outside a quaint little house in a small, sparsely-populated town. Looking around, he noticed the snowclimber flattened against a wall of the house.

     “Ow, sorry buddy,” he out loud before noticing a tall, lovely lady with her back turned to them on the sidewalk. He decided to approach her.

     “Hey, miss, can you tell me where I am?” he asked.

     The lady whacked Zac on the head with an umbrella she was holding. Zac’s body was compressed to barely nothing between his neck and his feet by the force. His head spun dizzily.

     SMACK! The lady gave him a big kiss on the cheek! What was with her…

     He looked up. It wasn’t a _her_. It was Bugs Bunny, dressed in a dress and wig, and laughing at Zac.

     Zac suddenly shot up back to his uncompressed state.

     “Look, Bugs, I’m sorry, all right? Can you just get me out of here?”

     “You’re going to have to ask your friend there how to do that,” Bugs chortled before throwing off the dress and wig and digging a rabbit hole in the yard and disappearing.

     “My friend?” Zac wondered aloud, then realized Bugs meant the snowclimber. He walked over to the house and peeled off the flattened person. They hung limply in his arms.

     _How am I going to fix them?_ Zac wondered before remembering that he was living in a cartoon. He whipped the flattened snowclimber like a towel and sure enough, they resumed their 3D state. As 3D as a cartoon character can be, that is.

     “Okay, how do we get out of here?” he asked them.

     “Mmmph!” was the muttered reply.

     “Come on, take that gear off, it’s sunny here,” Zac observed and began pulling off the gloves, then the coat, the snowclimber responding gratefully. Underneath that, they were wearing a t-shirt and jeans. Then Zac helped them remove the goggles and scarf.

     “Oh my god, it’s _you!_ ” Zac gasped. Because now exposed, the snowclimber was none other than the barista who had taken his order, now rendered into a cartoon form, just as Zac was.

     “Yeah, man, seriously,” was the reply. “I’m actually a fan of your stuff, but I almost rethought that after the way you acted.”

     Zac sighed. “Okay, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have treated you like that. If we were back there, I’d give you guys a tip for dealing with me. Just, how did you end up here?”

     “Well, my shift was just ending when you turned up, so I came in through the back door that only the biggest Looney Tunes fans know how to find.”

     “Weird,” Zac muttered. “Wait, you know how to get here and back?”

     “Yeah,” the barista shrugged. “I was so mad, I called Bugs to deal with you.”

     “I had to deal with all of that _because of you?_ ”

     “Yep. Name’s Calvin, by the way.”

     Zac gut punched Calvin, knocking all the air out of him, making his eyes comically bug out for a few seconds.

     “Whoa, man,” Calvin gasped as he got up, panting. “No need to be so angry…”

     He looked up at Zac, who saw pink hearts instead of black dots in Calvin’s eyes.

     “Wait, what?” Zac wondered aloud.

     Calvin closed his eyes and shook his head and then ran inside the house.

     _Does he have a crush on me?_ Zac thought. _Wait a sec, who cares? He got me stuck here!_

     He ran inside the house after Calvin. The house was quaintly decorated with some elegant old-fashioned furniture. In the living room, Zac noticed a bird cage hanging from the ceiling with a little yellow canary sitting in it, singing merrily to itself.

     “Calvin?” he asked.

     A little old woman stepped into the living room, pushing a vacuum cleaner.

     “Oh, hello,” she said in a very sweet voice. “Sorry, wasn’t expecting company, I was just about to clean up in here.”

     Just then, the telephone rang in another room.

     “Oh dear, you wouldn’t mind doing this for me, would you?”

     “Uh, no,” Zac said, realizing he’d just barged into this lady’s house. He stepped forward and took the vacuum as she hurried off to another room.

     Zac turned on the vacuum and used the hose to begin sucking bits of dirt and debris from the floor. As he glanced around the room, he noticed Calvin hiding behind a nearby sofa. He almost dropped the vacuum to confront him again, when he had a thought.

     _We’re cartoons right now,_ he remembered and before Calvin could scramble to his feet, Zac had the vacuum hose on him, sucking up his head, then his shoulders, arms, torso, legs and finally the feet, Calvin compressing inside what would otherwise be an impossibly small space.

     Zac chuckled to himself, then remembered that Calvin was the one who knew how to get out of here. He turned off the vacuum and opened the dust trap. Inside was Calvin, compressed into a tiny cube. Zac lifted him out and set him on the floor.

     “Okay, truce,” he said. “Just show me home from here.”

     Calvin popped back to his normal cartoon shape.

     “Sure, just one thing…” he said. He slammed the dust trap shut, grabbed the vacuum’s hose and shoved the end of it in Zac’s mouth and quickly turned the vacuum to reverse, blowing air forcibly into Zac, which made the lower end of his body—his butt, hips and groin area—begin to swell up like a balloon.

     “Not cool,” Zac managed to squeak out as the rest of his torso and his chest ballooned out as well. He lifted into the air, growing to about six feet around in a spherical shape.

     “And there we go,” Calvin chuckled, pink hearts flashing in his eyes again before he yanked the hose out of Zac’s mouth and shut off the vacuum.

     The air began rushing out of Zac, and he flew around the room like a leaky balloon, because that was what he had become.

     “I tawt I taw a leaky Zac,” chirped the canary as Zac flew past the bird cage. “I did! I did see a leaky Zac!” it went on as he flew past again.

     “Sufferin’ succotash,” remarked the old woman’s large black and white cat who caught the action from his view in the doorway.

     Finally, Zac fell to the floor, back to his non-inflated form.

     “Truce?” Calvin asked, pulling him to his feet.

     “Truce,” he gasped.

     “Okay, let’s go.”

     The two walked out the front door.

     “Did you have fun?” Calvin asked with a grin as they headed to the sidewalk. “I mean, you never know what to expect here in Looney Tunes Land.”

     Zac started. “No!” he exclaimed. “I’ve been squashed, slammed, inflated and overall just made a fool of! How is that fun?”

     Calvin smirked. “Well, it could be worse.”

     “How?” Zac demanded. “How could this get _any_ worse?”

     And at that moment, seemingly from nowhere, an anvil fell on Zac.

     “That’s how,” Calvin replied. He pushed the anvil over, revealing a flattened Zac with his eyes bugged out, his little black pupils rolling around. He lifted Zac up.

     “How about we go back now?” he asked.

     _Please_ , Zac thought, though clearly his wishes were going to play no role in the matter.

     Calvin reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. He tapped a few buttons and the entire world around them vanished, being replaced by the Starbucks Zac had visited.

     Calvin was no longer a cartoon, but a regular flesh and blood man.

     “All I had to do was exit the video.”

     “That makes no sense,” Zac replied before realized that not only was he a regular human again, but also back in his regular form. “Oh, thank goodness… What time is it?”

     “It’s only been five minutes since you vanished down the straw,” Calvin remarked.

     Zac looked to his side and found his iced mocha. The ice hadn’t melted very much, but drops of condensation were on the outside of the cup. He picked it up and took a sip.

     “You guys did good,” he commented. He reached into his pocket, took out a $20 bill and put it in the tip jar.

     Calvin smiled and turned to go when Zac stopped him.

     “Hey, actually, I can bring a plus one to my screening,” he said. “Would you like to come along? You can just go with me in my car.”

     “Sure, that sounds great!” Calvin replied with a smile. “It’s a date.”

     “No, I meant… fine, it’s a date.”

     Suddenly from out of nowhere stepped the unmistakable form of Porky Pig.

     “Th-th-th-that's all folks!” he snorted before a circle seemed to close on the scene.

     “Better step back,” Calvin warned.

     “What?” Zac asked confused before the circle shrunk around both of their necks, gagging them.

     “That’s what!” Calvin gasped, forcing it open with his hands and pulling back.

     Zac was still getting used to it and the circle snapped on him alone.

     “Ugh!” he grunted before he managed to pull it open and pulled himself back, letting the scene go completely to black.


End file.
